Survival Of The Fittest: Mind Over Matter

Survival of the fittest are those who overcome trials and tribulations that typically destroyed many others. Survivors oftentimes feel empathic towards those less fortunate from escaping traumatic settings as they did. As survivors, they are aware of the level of willpower and determination it took to escape such environments and/or circumstances. As a result, they also understand that not everyone shares the same drive to become survivors. In most cases, people believe it is easier to stay with the familiar than venture into the unknown. Whilst there are numerous category groups of survivors, this post will address traumatic social/cultural/communal survivors.

Survivors of Unhealthy Social Norms

Survivors of unhealthy social norms are people who have mental and sometimes physical freedom from harmful social or cultural associations and experiences. Survivors of this category are commonly ridiculed for not displaying signs or symptoms of common unhealthy cultural or community expectations. When a person's characteristics, attitude and outlook oppose the expectation and social norm of a group collective, they are automatically regarded as "other" especially if displaying visibly unfamiliar characteristics. Oftentimes, those traits generate opportunities and experiences that are often inaccessible to the collective group of origin. Exposure to new opportunities and experiences results from a different mindset and outlook.

Scriptural Reference #1

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, pleasing and perfect will. -Romans 12:2

Think of your mind as the headquarters that directs your life. When your senses pick up information from the external world, its transmuted and filtered through the mind before it manifests physically. However, your mind can be changed through exposure to new information experienced through the senses. This is the exact process of how survivors are actualised.

The Crabs In The Bucket Mentality

Groupthink/communal mindset thrives off conformity. Behaviours, actions and attitudes are centred and developed around similarities and experiences which creates perspectives and outlooks that are unique to that group. Groupthink is the anchor and bond that connects members of a group. Indoctrinations have to be agreed upon to remain a member. However, changing your mind impacts your worldview having a domino effect on behaviour, attitude and actions. This is essentially how a survivor of an unhealthy social group or community is created. Survivors seek to implement self-preservation by unlearning mentalities that stunt their growth and perpetuate their demise.

The crabs in the bucket is a metaphorical concept that describes the behaviour or mentality of a group collective. The main assignment/agenda of the crabs are to refrain others from escaping from their confinements aka buckets. Those confinements vary but they are commonly categorised as social, economic, spiritual and romantic limitations. Crabs often weaponise and use fear-mongering, gaslighting, religious indoctrinations and trauma bonds as methods of prevention to achieve motives. These methods generate feelings of guilt in survivors, often this prevents survivors from moving forward with their lives mentally and sometimes physically.

What causes "Survivors Guilt"?

So, you may or may not have heard of the term "Survivors Guilt", it is a real emotion and reaction experienced by people who escaped traumatic environments, events and occurrences. Guilt is often fuelled by the source/originators, environments and upholders that support particular traumatic patterns. For instance, there are cultures, communities and religious settings founded upon customs and rules that participants are expected to comply with. For example, the No Snitch culture prevents victims from attaining justice. Oftentimes, compliance means hanging on to trauma for the sake of upholding customs and tradition. Guilt comes in when participants decide to do what is best for their own well-being by rejecting expectations. Abandoning and replacing previous traumatic indoctrinations is not the easiest task but it is an absolute necessity for complete survival and recovery. During this process, most people experience guilt as survivors attempt to navigate into alternative approaches, perspectives and ideals.

Symptoms of Survivors' Guilt:

• Feelings of Helplessness

• Imposter Syndrome/ Unworthiness

• Flashbacks of Traumatic events

• Self Sabotage

• Lack of Confidence

• Down Playing Accomplishments

• Obligation To help others

• Denial Of Experiences / Second Guessing

• Self Blame or Pity

• Feeling shame/ unheard and Isolated

Survivors are often labelled as unruly rebels or castaways by their community, peers and/or family. This abandonment alone brings about feelings of isolation, shame and guilt causing them to question their own rationale and reasoning for escaping in the first place. Was it really that bad?... Did I make the right decision?... What could I have done better?... These are some of the initial common questions that survivors of trauma tend to ask themselves. As a survivor of various forms of trauma, I've found journaling events has helped to remind me of the decisions I've made as a result. This method has allowed me to develop trust in my decision-making skills and has kept me from returning back to that experience or environment, not being the dog returning to its own vomit.

Forgiveness does not require you to forget. Remember from a place of understanding why you created distance to maintain your peace.

Those who are known people pleasures and empaths have higher tendencies for forgiveness. Whilst these personality traits are amazing, It's important for survivors to maintain the preservation of their mind, body and soul as a means to remain on the up and up. By any means necessary, remember experiences, even if it requires documenting and recording them for future reference.

My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. - Hosea 4:6

As much as survivors would like to reach back and help those left behind, they understand that there is no helping them. Reaching back to help those left behind is not only frustrating but it is also detrimental to our growth. Just imagine the analogy of a drowning person who causes the rescuer to drown along with them whilst in a state of panic. Lacking the information that assisted in the freedom of the survivor requires much inner work, unbias reflection and acceptance of the truth. This is what makes survival a personal journey and oftentimes, it's a lonely one until a new tribe is formulated or found. Guilt often dissipates when we associate with like-minded people who validate our new outlook and stance.

Scriptural Reference #2

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? - 2 Corinthians 6:14

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being unique and in your own lane. There is much value in individualism, so it's much better to walk alone than to suffocate your essence in the midst of going alone to get along. Many people envy a person's ability to stand in their authenticity because it sets them apart from the crowd.

Sometimes, you have to set yourself apart as proof to others that there's another way.