"Girlfriend?" - Absolutely NOT!

As the L.O.C stands firmly on making choices that serve the greater good of ladies, It's only right to address the elephant in the room. It seems that downplaying our worth as ladies has become part of society's social norm. The girlfriend position is viewed as something liberating or fair play for both men and women; however, the results prove otherwise.

The boyfriend and girlfriend union is an exhausting, time consuming and high investing pre-marital practice for both parties. In most cases, the disadvantages far outweigh heavier on the girlfriend. Being asked to be a “girlfriend” is not a badge of honour, when ladies accept this proposal, they, by default are choosing to gamble with their health, well-being and peace of mind. As of late, males with the loudest mouths, who have undoubtedly benefited from having girlfriends, have been heard all over social media, screaming:

“Women hit the wall!” at age 25+ and therefore, no longer eligible for a decent man because of their "body count" and "loss of youthfulness". However, this is nothing more than a manipulative, scare tactic to bully ladies into choosing and remaining in toxic relationships. Such statements are also made to pardon desires for underage girls. Which creates indirect divisions between mature women and girls. Girlfriends are typically expected to engage in frequent sexual activities to entertain “their boyfriend”, this very cycle increases "the body count" that ladies are shamed for having. Why would anyone continue to entertain a position that is openly frowned upon?

because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. - 1 Corinthians 7:2

According to the Christian faith, sexual activities are things that are permitted within the confides of a marriage. There are multiple reasons why understanding this relevant, one being that our sexual health is not compromised.

Biology Defends Your Honour

Ladies, biology is on our side when we work with and not against it. Our hormonal biological makeup causes us to desire stability and security for obvious reasons. We form emotional bonds with sexual partners because our hormones are preparing us for a family. The downside of not understanding this causes girls to form unhealthy attachments to undeserving males. The "biological clock" is a major factor to consider, particularly if pregnancy is something we wish to experience. So when we waste multiple years as someone's "girlfriend" we further increase our chances of being unwedded "single mothers".

Often, so much energy is poured into that relationship that it becomes harder to let go of. Discarding that relationship after discovering misaligned long term goals, becomes harder to follow through with. This, for lack of better words, is an emotional prison disguised as love.

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh". - Matthew 19:5

The Girlfriend Package

People commonly label their relationship as "complicated" after recognising that they no longer possesses the power in deciding the fate of that relationship, because they await validation and security. So, you see there are zero benefits to being a girlfriend, heartbreak, high risk single parenting and contracting STIs/STDs are almost guaranteed outcomes. There are also spiritual consequences, which impact a persons salvation.

No fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. -Ephesians 5:3-6

The girlfriend is a placeholder, the pre-marital practice partner, the cheap all-you-can-eat buffet in human form for their boyfriend.

A boyfriend Is less likely to be monogamous because he doesn’t value his girlfriend enough to properly commit by means of marriage. I will even go as far as to say that "cheating" is not offensive in this union. You are both free to do what you want outside of the framework of marriage. Thinking otherwise causes unnecessary heartache, and the only reason why disloyalty hurts is due to the amount of unwarranted investment you've put in as a girlfriend. With all the benefits readily available to boyfriends, ask yourself, if the shoe was on the other foot, would I hurry down the alley? Most likely not because boyfriends reap benefits without the added pressure of marriage.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. - Ephesians 5:22

Girlfriends often find themselves auditioning to secure their position as a wife. Avoiding the unpredictable, long-haul girlfriend stage could actually minimise exposure to narcissistic abuse and many other forms of abuse. Abusers love getting involved with people who lack standards, boundaries and Godly principles. Manipulators recognise the brokenness within people and present themselves as solutions and void fillers.

The truth is, ladies are the ones that set the tone for relationships, through what we accept. It's hard to require marriage if it was never a clear expectation before "casting pearls" agreeing to be someone's girlfriend. Eventually, if such a cycle is not course-corrected, the pain of self-betrayal, becomes deflected as resentment towards him (the boyfriend). Whether intentional or not, the boyfriend awakens love, without reciprocation. This is the creation of "the bitter woman",

The Solution | Intentional Dating

Intentional dating offers accountability and causes one to remain present throughout the dating process. Dating without a goal, causes others to determine your relationship goals. I believe in dating until engaged. By nature, ladies are more selective than our male counterparts, dating allows us to explore our options as we gather ample data to determine compatibility. During this process, we are at liberty to be more unapologetically authentic, open, and transparent. This ensures that we apply discernment and develop a genuine connection.

Just so you know, there is nothing "complicated" about dating, it is courtship. A process of vetting suitable candidates until foreseeable goals are met.

Closing Point

Both ladies and gents are single till married, which means we are at liberty to be courted by multiple potentials. A man who understands the assignment will not be pressed about you dating others. If he wants a monogamous relationship, he knows exactly how to secure that.

Pining over a man who has not yet taken you seriously is a result of scarcity, fear and inpatients. Keep your eyes on the end goal so as to not settle for less than you desire. Flee fornication and pray to steer clear from developing premature emotional attachments. When all is said and done, it's your life to live but it's wise to be strategic to preserve your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

Read blog post FRIEND ZONING to learn why this is a great method to implement.

Download Intentional Dating Guide

Practice the arts of what it means to priorities your values whilst engaging in multiple dating. Once implemented, you'll find it easy to avoid the pressure of being talked into being somebodies girlfriend.

Happy dating with intention!