Motherhood VS Child-Free | With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

Just because you can, does it mean you should? There is a lot to consider, so let's explore this further. Celebratory days, such as Mother's Day, understate the level of respect and admiration owed towards mothers across the globe. Mothers/women are essentially the beginning and end of all existence, acting as Gods amongst us. The Female anatomy is quite literally the portal and gateway into life. Without female (all species included) participation, all life will cease to exist. However, one would think that the power to choose to birth life or not would garner an immense level of praise, reward and respect, especially as a patriarchal system governs the world. The number of pushback against choosing to go child-free is proof of society's instinctual expectation for women to become mothers. With such high demand, women ought to set greater standards and demand more resources to compensate for their sacrifice. Birthing and nurturing have to be the hardest yet least incentivised expectations in life.

Most women are maternal by nature, which means they have the capacity of loving their offspring. In doing so, a lot of things are taken into account before considering bringing an innocent life into existence. For instance, my pre-pregnancy thoughts consider the condition of society and the world at large as to whether having children is both practical and safe. There is great anxiety regarding safety for most women, who are often shunned by others and in particular, males, who do not create safe spaces for the comfort of such expectations.

The Missing link: Expectations Without Support

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but where's the village? A lot of people have warped perceptions of motherhood to the extent that mothers are treated inhumanely. For instance, the concept of working mothers means, that someone, somewhere still requires and/or expects mothers to work, and take on the domestic load, all whilst heavily pregnant. All of which is extremely taxing on a woman's overall well-being. Motherhood is the ultimate sacrifice known to humanity, yet, most perceive this process of birthing and raising children as a walk in the park. The reality is, pregnancy is a risky process, not only during but also afterwards. Women risk their health and sometimes life to produce life. Perhaps if the risk of pregnancy were discussed as a form of education, women and mothers would garner support, compassion, appreciation and respect as a form of encouragement.

Compromise or Become Selective

The lack of sensitivity causes many women and mothers to act in a state of survival to acquire stability, security, financial, emotional and social provisions to support their decision to motherhood. A healthy woman's innate need to be present and nurture her offspring is what drives her to select the best man (counterpart) for the job. His character, physical and emotional strength, quality of integrity, resources and finances are most certainly considered. However, the undermining of motherhood causes many to underestimate the active role of fathers in support of their choices. Also, numerous males fail to understand their assignment, as a result, the risk is increasingly seeming to out weight the incentive for childbearing.

Mother Bear Syndrome: Maternal Instinct

Many of us have heard of the "mother bear" syndrome. If you've not heard of it, you've probably seen it, It presents itself when a mother suddenly becomes protective of her children the moment she senses that danger is lurking. For instance, if someone unjustly accusers or hurts their child, that mother will stop at nothing to resolve that issue. Although this syndrome is mostly associated with mothers, this tendency can also be demonstrated in women without children. It is also a protective maternal instinct that also has the ability to direct a woman's reproductive drive. All females across species have this same function, during periods of heightened danger, many species choose to not reproduce. In like manner, women would naturally be more selective about when to procreate based on access to resources and the safety of their environment, let's consider this, a mating strategy.

Not all women/mothers have a maternal instinct, this can be observed in various behaviours and parental styles which often present as abusive and neglectful tendencies towards others. As a pet owner, I am extremely protective of my dog, I can only imagine how much more intense my protective nature would be if I was to decide to become a mother one day. All I know is that motherhood is a whole other ball game. There is so much mental and physical power that goes into protecting, raising and caring for children, this requires much sacrifice of self through much love and dedication that society increasingly fails to accommodate.

Scarcity Breeds Regret

If we look at nature, it never operates in scarcity, it always chooses quality over quantity. However, patriarchal principles act on scarcity and fear of extinction. Mass production is the motive, hence, the push and expectation for all women to utilise their reproductive abilities to produce (preferably male) babies. This is what happens when society governs the womb of women, reproduction becomes more of a societal benefit and less about personal fulfilment. Most women succumb to these demands out of fear of missing their biological clock and not engaging in what's recognised as a profound life milestone.

The mating strategy is all about increasing the likelihood of survival of the fittest. The increasing choice amongst Gen z's and Millennials, to not have children is less about the women and girls but speaks about the safety and support of society towards women and children. Demeaning this decision as "selfish" is an idiotic statement in the absence of optimal support for the sacrificial reality of motherhood. Whilst It takes "two" to create children, It seems that men do not have the same expectations. Women carry the weight and bare the brunt of parenting, meanwhile, men receive the least accountability when it comes to parental responsibilities. The perpetual bullying and fear-mongering, that is weaponised against childfree women, further solidify decisions to remain as such. I perceive the reality of "selfishness" as mostly represented by those who have children without the means to raise them. Children deserve the best possible outcome in life, children are costly. However, many parents choose to have children for selfish reasons, such as having someone care for them in old age.

Protect Your Love: With or Without

The power of a mother is rooted in her ability to embody love. For most of us, love was first felt through our mothers. The demonstration of love we witnessed is the sacrifice of her life, time and energy through having our needs met and catered for. Mothers often express that they experience an unfamiliar level of love with their children.

Mothers/women stop at nothing to protect and be around those they deeply care for and love. The bond between a mother and child is unbreakable when love is present. An active chemical of love flows throughout the DNA between mother and child. According to science, the cells of every child (dead or alive) remain in the biology of their mothers, this also includes aborted babies. Whenever a mother experiences any form of organ damage, the cells of her children come to her aid. This could be a contributing factor to explain why women tend to outlive men.

Untainted Love

The connection between mother and child is supernatural, as it is said that mothers have intuitive awareness surrounding the safety of their child/children. With a love as pure as this, one would hope to savour every moment, without hindrances. However, this isn't the experience of most mothers, could it be that the stresses of life diminish this experience? A woman who denies herself of experiencing motherhood is also an act of protecting the purest form of love. This is far removed from being selfish, accountability is a selfless act.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Outsourced Information | Child-Free Benefits

According to Psychology Today (2021), women without children are deemed happier than married men and women with children. If having children presents an air of unhappiness, then why is there pressure on women who decide to go child-free? The notion that "misery loves company" does not seem too far-fetched. This idea of "happiness without children" is the very thing that causes childless women to be accused of "selfishness", however, the same stigma is not attached to men who choose not to become fathers. Click the picture to read the article.

Mindful Intentions

Ladies, with great power, comes great responsibility. So, whether you decide to have children or not the choice is entirely up to you. Never allow fear or scarcity to become the deciding factor in choosing motherhood, consider all things. After all, it is better to regret not having children than to regret having them once they are here. There are solutions that compensate for not ever birthing children, you can babysit, foster, adopt and/or get pets. Babies become adults, and every stage of their life requires a different need to be met, are you capable of meeting them? Whilst we do not condone pondering worse-case scenarios, ask yourself, would you cope as a single mother? Observe the current state of family structures, two parent homes are far and few in between. Also, having a partner whose present does not always guarantee that he is helpful and supportive. For this reason, I can not stress enough the importance of being selective. Choosing a mate who is considerate of motherhood, whilst having the capacity of allowing you to be a full-time housewife and afford some house help, is essential. Failing to select on these grounds will most certainly make motherhood a difficult experience.

Reference

www.psychologytoday.com. (n.d.). Why Many Single Women Without Children Are So Happy | Psychology Today United Kingdom. [online] Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202102/why-many-single-women-without-children-are-so-happy#:~:text=Single%20women%20without%20children%20are%20often%20happier%20and [Accessed 18 Mar. 2023].