Internalised Misogyny : Who Taught You To Hate Yourself?

Internalised misogyny cannot be dismantled without first understanding what exactly needs dismantling. Internalised misogyny is identified in women and girls who display varying levels of disdain towards ladies as a collective. Internalised misogyny relies heavily on separatism to discount oneself from distasteful gender-based views. Internalised misogyny causes women to view their own gender as inferior or subordinate to men. As a result, we often witness a great deal of criticism and accountability unfairly placed on women, as men are seen to be incapable of doing any wrong. The presence of separatism causes Internalised misogyny to go hand in hand with being a "pick-me". Such individuals go to great lengths in proving how different they are from other women in attempts to get picked, chosen and validated. The presence of internalised misogyny makes it harder for women to form healthy relations with one another. As a result, women often find themselves feeling isolated, lacking emotional support and a sense of community.

The Rise of Competitiveness Amongst Women

I'm of the understanding that competition between women and girls is an unnatural behaviour caused by social stimulus. Competitive behaviour occurs as a means to survive or receive a form of reward. Social constructs that are religious, and political in nature, invoke competitiveness in members and society to gain validation, rewards and resources. Competitiveness amongst women was induced through old systematic structures, as there was a requirement for women to compete with other women to secure their own survival. For example, many years ago, women could not attain resources or gain access to basic needs without first having a husband. Although times have drastically changed, this same notion of competitiveness is still present today.

Divide and Conquer Through Competitiveness

Divide and conquer is a practice that is done both systematically and individually by those who benefit most. Techniques are strategically used to subtly create false narratives of having enemies among other women and girls. Factors like race, age, body type, and physical appearance are common categories of division. Differences of any kind are socially used to create unspoken competitiveness, to generate more value in the opposite sex, this is a power transfer. Complimentary gestures that use comparisons are how women and girls are pitted against each other making it hard for them to see each other as allies. This dynamic automatically places male companionship as the most significant relationship connection to behold. Consequently, women and girls display varying levels of disdain towards the female image. As outlined in my previous post "The Pick-Me" seeks to acquire recognition and to be favoured by the objects (males) of their affection by any means necessary. This often involves throwing other women and girls under the bus, in an attempt to be chosen which often involves preserving the male ego.

The Womanly Bond

Women and girls have lost out on a great sense of unity because of their competitive presence. However, nature continues to remind us that women and girls are not at odds with each other, but rather in sync.

Women and girls commonly experience menstrual synchrony when in close proximity to one another. However, once separated, menstrual cycles differ. This phenomenon affirms women's powerful connection in the midst of each other. The scripture Matthew 18:20 comes to mind as it states "Where two or more are gathered, God is in the midst". It appears as if a divine power is only tapped into amongst other women. Could this be why witches are depicted in groups of threes? Perhaps there is an unknown connective power that is feared and therefore tamed by knowable leaders, hence the need to divide and conquer the unity of women and girls through social constructs and/or programming. Although this remains a hypothesis, it doesn't seem too far-fetched, especially after pondering on the Salem Witch Trials, where innocent women lost their lives after being falsely accused of practising witchcraft. Events such as these forced women to turn on each other to secure survival.

Survival Mode: "He's My Hero, She's My Enemy"

Various forms of media perpetuate the idea of males being protectors and providers. However, If women and children need to be protected against the potential threat of men, can we assign protection as part of their collective nature? With the soaring rates of human trafficking, femicide, sexual assault, domestic violence etc, all done by male perpetrators, it's less convincing to believe males to be inherently natural protectors. Incentivised protection is conditional and does not require empathy and compassion as a motivation. Natural protective tendencies are present with empathic and nurturing capabilities, women who are mentally healthy possess these qualities. Ever heard of the "mother bear syndrome"? Well, this impulsive protective nature does not solely apply to mother bears but most females across all species have this tendency. Females of various species commune together which creates a safe haven for both female and young dwellers, in doing so, they ensure that all needs are met. As mentioned earlier, provision and protection were socially constructed expectations from men because women were forced to depend on them to have their basic needs met.

The Other Side of Internalised Misogyny

I mentioned in a previous post that the untainted nature of women is to nurture. This aspect of our nature offers the capacity to be natural protectors and providers. This means that healed and healthy-minded women are perceived as natural safe havens for children, other women and vulnerable people in society. Before generic healthcare systems, women were mostly sought-after as natural primary caregivers, who advocate for those in need of support. Most are unaware that empathy is void of competition this is because competition is transactional and requires a reward for labour. I honestly believe that failing to acknowledge the natural ability to nurse people back to health demeans women's intrinsic value as a collective. Interestingly, Psychology Today outlines that married men live longer than unmarried men, this confirms that a women's presence increases the mortality and longevity rate of men. This study is important as it validates the necessity of diminishing internalised misogyny as women are proven to possess great value in society.

Whose The Prize?

Competition amongst women is useless because her value causes those who benefit to gravitate towards her. making each woman the prize to behold. Remember, 1 Timothy "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing", if the same was also true in reverse, I'm sure it would have been stated as such. Ever noticed how it's a man who gets down on bended knee as a gesture of submission to a woman's value to his life? Forcing anyone to see our value by comparison, competition or shaming other women, never ends well. Putting others down is putting yourself down by default. The secret is to focus on ourselves and cultivate our uniqueness and values, all whilst decentring males and focusing on developing healthy relations with other women. Being amongst healthy-minded women and girls enhances our sense of security, confidence and essence.

Closing Point

Re-evaluating what and/or who we choose to gain validation from is a way of seeing why and what we are competing for. For instance, I personally gain a great deal of satisfaction and validation from things I enjoy, like being creative, resourceful and helping others. These do not rely on the approval of others because it is an internal satisfaction.

"Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Matthew 6:21

Reference

www.psychologytoday.com. (n.d.). The Mental Health Struggles of Single and Divorced Men | Psychology Today. [online] Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/talking-about-men/202102/the-mental-health-struggles-single-and-divorced-men#:~:text=Interestingly%2C%20a%20large%20corpus%20of%20research%20indicates%20that [Accessed 20 Jul. 2023].